Can’t see nothing but the source code

Originating in the dark ages, one future Emperor would rise to claim victory over all knights of Java development. Trained in the ancient arts of RPG our Emperor fought many a battle with sys admins and project managers in order to spread the truth of clean, readable design code. Alas, our hero was tragically scarred in the line of battle while fighting with an IT manager that deemed it more important to patch an already failing system by appending an overly complex front end system. While ultimately triumphing in victory our hero gained a new perspective on software design. It was during this period that he turned to the dark side, enslaving those who did his bidding and bringing turmoil to those who stood in his way.

Clifton Craig…

• Is the master of over 40 different programming languages/platforms/technologies, one of them just invented two minutes ago by an Amish free-lancer working in Sweden
• Can write code without using the shift, space, or enter keys
• Can read code that was written without using the shift, space, or enter keys
• Can divide by zero
• Invented C programming, named it Cliff, then later gave the credit to Dennis Ritchie who shortened the syntax and then the name to C.
• Once wrote a Java Lexer/Parser in RPGLE for the Commodore64 using Braille on a 286 during summer vacation
• Is the Biggie Smalls to your build system
• Can run DMC through your DMZ using UDP instead of TCP
• Can rap backwards
• Recently cooked Thanksgiving dinner using one of the dual cores in his MacPro
• Can eat a entire birthday cake before blowing out the candles
• Is the last person you’ll ever meet again for the first time
• Can believe it’s not butter
• Was the only soldier in boot camp that didn’t suffer from homesickness, John Deer letters, or suicidal thoughts
• Shows up late for drill, waves to the First Sergeant, leaves to chill at the mall, then returns in time for final formation
• Can get four people admitted to the movies, theatre, or club with three $tens.
• Found Waldo in your backyard just moments ago
• Knows everyone in your family by their middle name
• Once drove an ice cream truck without an engine at 150mph
• Pays taxes with a Discover card and pays Discover invoices with tax rebate money
• Can checkmate your king on the first move
• Is the guy your computer professor cheated off of
• Can push start a stick-shift car on sand all by himself (true story)
• Can pop the clutch in an automatic
• Will give you the best sound out of your Honda Accord using 99 cent copper wire, house speakers, a guitar amplifier, and one of those two knob head units with the push button channel changer that never quite lands on power 99FM
• Is the only way to eat a Reese’s (Every other method is flawed regardless of what the voice on the commercials tell you)
• Is the answer to the question you were just about to ask
• Knew you were going to read the entire page
• Is the reason why you’re about to post a comment