Mobile Development Sux

Can I borrow your soldiering iron? You got one of those really tiny Phillips head screw drivers? The kind that jewelers use. By the way, I’m gonna need one of those egg-head references that explains micro CPU architecture and mpas paths on command micro chipsets. I need to crack the case of my Blackberry 8830 and examine the electrons as they dance across the solid state silicone and stuff. That’s the only way I can figure out why why perfectly reasonable programming logic, which work flawlessly on my desktop, chooses to do the watoosey when deployed on physical hardware. You see I can figure out almost any problem or bug in JavaSE using things like, oh I dunno, debuggers, stack traces, chained exceptions, a console, whatever I feel fits best. In J2ME.. for debugging purposes… we have…? Oh wait! You can printStackTrace right after catching an exception. But where does that go to on the device? I remember when Java really started getting popular how everyone was raving about the ME stuff talking about how Java ca run on everything from your wristwatch to your EasyBake oven. I remember thinking, wow, that’s cool if I ever need to slow cook a single cupcake and throw some logic behind it I’ll know where to turn, ME! I thought it was cool just like e’ryone else. Now that I’m knee deep in a debug impossible project… it sux!

This must be why people mostly use their mobile phones for making phone calls. Developers can’t make anything more complicated than an address book without catching an ulcer and most people think little of downloading an address book app especially one that costs $$ because the lone developer needs to recoup the cost of the certificates, licenses, and hosting of his/her address book genius. Most corporations won’t fund development of downloadable mobile software because it’s just not that popular since people can’t seem to find anything more interesting than an address book on the internet.

I realize I’m just ranting. That’s because I’m fed up with trying to guess the spot of the NullPointerException that only shows on the phone. “Let’s see, if the web request returns ok here then we couldn’t be in the startApp method. But if the number of bytes written to the request stream exceeds the number of digits across both mine and my best friend’s hands then it could return an HTML page instead of a plain text response which means my scan for indexOf would come up blank and then…?” Does it really have to be this hard? What was so intimidating about adding some extra stackTrace methods that let you fill the screen with diagnostic info? Why didn’t Sun want to allow us to set the std out and std err streams? Maybe the thought was that vendors would make their ME implementations so bullet proof that errors just wouldn’t occur. A device could auto recover from a RuntimeException and figure out an alternate superior algorithm on the fly saving the developer hassle and headache. Isn’t that what Blackberry is supposed to do? Ain’t that why they have such big market share? Yeah, gimme one of those AI models! Why am I stuck with the 8830? I want the one that learns your programming habits from analyzing the byte-code and closes streams for you while it fills in empty references. If you develop for a platform any smaller than an employee handbook holla’ at’cha boy…

Hollering is not actually necessary as your web browser may not pick up the audio data leaving with only a room filled with excessive noise and no direct response. The preferred method of communication implied by “holla’ at’cha boy” is by means of typing a textual reply in the square under the current blog ranting and ghetto colloquialism clarification.

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